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Posted on Monday, June 13th, 2011
Finding out I have a brain cancer was shocking enough, wasn’t prepared for it to be cancerous since Pineal Region tumours are usually benign. Wasn’t prepared the diagnosis would have me feeling so lonely. There are many people that have brain cancer, but nobody in Manitoba (or as far as I was told in Canada) has what I have. The challenge is facing each MRI scan and hoping the tumour stays stable and I wont need further treatment. I thought I would be prepared for my hair falling out and thinning, but that actually devastated me, till I bought a ton of funky coloured wigs and had fun with it LOL
The emotional and hormonal side effects of chemo are horrendous! “chemo brain” is ridiculous and the personality changes are difficult to get used to. I am blessed to have loving and supportive people in my life though and my husband has been my #1 cheerleader! Always gives me positive words of advice, even when the situation is crappy.
Unfortunately with a cancer diagnosis, you will find out soon enough who will be by your side and who will fade away.
Even tho I knew it was coming, it was still a rather unsettling surprise on January 25 when a large handful of hair came out during my morning brushing! Rather than let it really bug me, I decided to sort of photo journal it, and have taken a picture of the the handfuls as they come out each day.
In a couple days, I’ll be getting my hair cut, but I decided to post a photo of me that I took today (Jan 30) to show how long my hair is, yet how stringy it now is due to the hair loss. I’ll post a more updated pic later once I get my hair cut….I’m think of perhaps a collar length shag!!! LOL
Enter your answer here..So much of my journey through cancer came as a surprise. I knew chemo would be bad, but I didn’t imagine how much the fatigue would get to me or how long it would last. I had no idea the emotional struggle I would face with my double mastectomy. I didn’t expect to grieve the loss of my breasts for so long. I also didn’t expect the challenges when treatment ended or how hard it would be to live with fears of reoccurrence; worries about going back to a stressful job; and the challenge of reintegrating into my group of friends when my values had changed substantially and theirs had stayed the same. Even today an ache or pain has a loaded meaning behind it. I do my very best to live every day to the fullest and the upside is the perspective cancer gave me. When I have a hard day now, I can say to myself – at least I don’t have to go for chemo today or at least I don’t have two drains attached to my newly flat chest.
lovely lady lumps – you’ve made me feel so much better. I thought the same thing. I thought hearing I had cancer was going to be the worst thing I could ever hear and that everything after that would be easier. I am anxious every night before my monthly appointment with my oncologist, even though I know that I am feeling better and my oncologist and his nurse are always positive and supportive. Every test is scary and one of my parents goes to every appointment with me, except for my weekly blood work. I see my oncologist this Thursday to have my monthly exam and to get the results of my 3 month follow up CT scan. I know that the scan results have to be better than the original, which showed lung nodules throughout my lungs, on my liver and the mass in my breast, but not knowing what to expect makes it so hard. I don’t think I’ll sleep Wednesday night at all. Just when I think my fear is under control, it creeps back.
First off, getting the phone call from the doctor, stating you have cancer is something in itself that you can not prepare for, and is an overwhelming feeling!
The big thing that I did not expect through my experience with cancer is that although you hear about chemotherapy and how crummy it makes you feel, I did not expect how mental and how “in your head” it all is. Looking back on my first chemo session, when my nurse asked me my anxiety level, I recall saying “zero!”… now, 5 months into my treatments I cannot even walk into the chemo suite without running out to be sick!
That is the thing that I did not expect. The mental aspect. It gets harder and harder every time I walk in the building for another round of treatment, but I know I need to keep my held high and keep positive to get through this!
Having many years ago battled the after effects of deep emotional abuse as a child ,I found it easy to face breast cancer with survivorship determination.Three years have passed,and to-day I am for the most part a happy and healthy individual.But yes I will say the emotional test that cancer brings can also bare the scars of past history.I have learned to love myself,to forgive myself,to nurish my soul,to laugh often and most of all to accept the love and support of those around me.It is this that has given me peace,it has helped make me well,and I fear very little.I too get anxious before every doctors appointment,but whatever the outcome I know someone will be there to support me.
I have to agree with both sides. Something that I find consistently challenging is not only getting test results from bone scans, ultrasounds, x-rays, echocardiograms, etc. etc. etc. but then sharing those results with family and friends. I thought that once you hear ‘You have cancer’, the waiting part was over but I was wrong. I get so anxious before every doctor’s appointment. What news will they tell me today? What news will I have to retell my mom and dad, my brothers, my in-laws, and my friends and the rest of my family?
No book or training could have ever prepared me for the terrifying fear that hit me with every wave of cancer results thrown at me. I felt like I was swimming for my life in waves 10 feet high, struggling to make headway. That shadow is always with us and fear will take a long time to leave. How inspiring we can be but always humble to the emotional test that cancer brings.
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I was most surprised by the effects cancer had on: | J’ai été surprise par les effets que le cancer a produits sur :
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