I don’t think the rounds of scans will ever become easier. No matter what the result, none of this is easy. Today however, was particularly hard. After almost two years of dealing with metastatic breast cancer through hormone therapies, it seems my luck has finally run out. With the cancer pushing further, I heard the dreaded word from my oncologist, “chemo.”
NOOOOOOOOO. Said my face and body and soul and mouth. Not chemo. Then I proceeded to have a wee bit of a panic attack. This involved my needing to bend forward so as not to pass out, followed by the nurse bringing in a couple damp towels and my oncologist applying them to my neck and head.
Poor Zsoltster didn’t get to have a meltdown.
Anyhow. I don’t know what will happen. Will I take his advice? Maybe. Even likely. Do I like his advice? For sure not. But Dr Canada knows my priorities – to live well and normally, and so his version of chemotherapy is not mine. I remember the projectile vomit, the hair loss, the emancipated body. He, however, projects far milder side effects.
I don’t know.
Meanwhile we need to strengthen my bones. Yep. Bones. Bones and who knows what else. Dr Canada didn’t tell us the entire prognosis, and I didn’t ask. Basically we just learned that more needed to be done, and done sooner than later. Life can still be normal, but action is needed to let that happen.
What the F*K is life doing to us anyhow? What draw did I lose so badly to be stuck with a disease that has no cure? I mean, basically we’re all stuck with cancer – but this is getting into the world of ‘no longer funny’ land.
It was never funny, of course. None of this leaves me laughing.
Anyhow. One step at a time. I cannot cope with more.
One damn step at a damn time.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer a few days after my one year wedding anniversary. That was a shocker. After three years NED, cancer reappeared and pushed me to stage four. This blog captures life despite cancer. With international relocations, job search drama, fighting off apartment vermin, falling deeply in love and more. Life is challenging, but nevertheless inspiring and that’s what Bumpboobs is all about. You can find me over at @Bumpyboobs on Twitter, and hey - I wrote a lovely fiction novel! - over at http://www.CatherineBrunelle.com