I was at a Fundraiser Gala this week and a friend said “You are drunk on Life”. I loved that saying so much because they knew what this felt like. I want to take everything in like I have just been given sight again. My job feels different, I notice every patient, I see it from their side, I want to do everything and make a difference. I suddenly have realized that I want to fit it all in.
I am taking an excellent 9 month Palliative Care Course for physicians. There is an online discussion forum where I realized that I see life differently. There was a discussion whether birthdays are happy because they take you closer to aging and dying. I was astounded that I truly see life differently. Birthdays are a celebration of living. In my 40′s with everything perfect in my life, cancer can blindside you when you least expect it – never stop living because you may die one day. In fact, live deeper and stronger.
Making a Difference
I want to teach the world to sing
And thank each day for everything
There are those who try to blame
Or dwell on what is not the same
Instead reach out with what is new
Use adversity to strengthen you
But only can compassion come
If you have healed from what has gone
Don’t be angry at who you’re not
Or what you’ve lost or haven’t got
Find that spirit to light your way
Rejoicing the good in every day
Love your scars and don’t look back
Look at what you have, not what you lack
Let’s make a difference, one by one
It’s amazing power, it can be done
This is my favourite thing to do now…. to make someone’s day. Sometimes it is in my office when people did not realize I was away for 9 mnths, sometimes shopping, sometimes at an ordinary party where that real life sincerity hits someone and they suddenly take stock as they realize you can go through all this and look great and have a great attitude and future.
I had to find a beautiful gold dress for my parents 50th wedding anniversary. I love celebrations because every day is worth celebrating now. I found the perfect dress – gold and looked a bit like an Egyptian mummy. My mother had helped my dad through lung cancer while I was going through breast cancer – his thoracotomy and pneumonectomy was 3 months before my double mastectomy then axillary dissection. We both went through chemo together though quite different regimens. He had trouble with some guilt as the BRCA mutation was discovered and my father had passed the gene to me. It was worth it to dress to the best and show the world that you can look great despite all that.
As we were digging through mail yesterday, I opened a little postcard from the shop where I bought the dress. It was not the average little mailer ; it took me back to the day when I was trying on those gorgeous gowns (on sale) while the assistant gave her comments. When she commented on my attitude, I could n’t help but share the excitement that this was not an everyday celebration – 2 of us had cancer last year and you have no idea how many scars I have under here including this fantastic reconstruction and that is why I feel so good. She had tears in her eyes and needless to say, the postcard said that I made her day.
The same thing happened last week. I took a beautiful gown in for altering since, as my mother said, if you love a dress, then just re-fit it because it will show that you love it. So there I was in front of the 360 mirror as she pins the dress and comments on my dress. Yes, again, I can’t help but notice the little pamphlets on breast cancer awareness on the desk and tell her that I had double mastectomy last year and 2 operations in each axilla. Tears came into her eyes again and she said it was an ordinary day till now – that I made her day.
Wow, what if we could change the world One person at a time!
I think I will reply to that little postcard……