About two years ago Zsolt and I travelled with some amazing friends to Corfu, Greece. That was one crazy trip – particularly since we booked a non-refundable room in the cheapest hotel available, which happened to be in the craziest, loudest, most vomit-covered town on the island where British University first-years went to get sloppy.
ANYHOW. :)
We arrived in the evening and departed our flight. The goal was to flag down a taxi and ride to the most southern tip of the island, which would be about a 1 hour drive considering we had to weave through villages. So, there we are with our luggage and flight-exhaustion, and we find ourselves a taxi driver. He takes our bags and starts packing them into the car before we can even ask the price of the ride. (Zsolt was not happy with that!) But he quoted as we expected, so in the end all four of us piled in and set off into the night.
It was warm, early summer warm, and the windows were down as we drove. Or rather, as the taxi driver drove.
And here is the important part of this story: The taxi driver, an amiable man, thought he was a freaking RACE CAR driver. We started off normally, but as soon as he hit the weaving coastline road it was an all-out rally drive. This man was zooming down these 2-lane roads (one for each direction) going 100-120 Km/hour . . . which might have been okay if no one else was out there, but this is a MAIN ROAD passing through many villages – there were people on the street, mopeds galore, four-wheelers, bikers, trucks, buses, cars. But hey, that was NO PROBLEM for our taxi man! That two lane road became three lanes as he passed slow cars while oncoming traffic zipped by, and then FOUR LANES as he passed a car passing a car while oncoming traffic pulled over into the ditch.
And all the while he was jabbering on about Corfu, talking about how you need to be careful on the road (as we passed by an accident scene with cops, people and glass all over while one fellow swept at the mess with his broom).
It was crazy. CRAZY. But you know what – it was EXHILERATING. I had FUN. Maybe it was the jet-lag, or the darkness, or the Mediterranean effect . . . but our taxi-man’s driving didn’t scare me. It was just so freaking fun, we couldn’t stop laughing the whole time. I remember watching the road and feeling plain excited as he confidently swerved and veered around all the obstacles.
And you know what – the result of that trip was that we made it to the crazy-party-town in one piece. If I had been terrified the entire time, flinching with every pass and acceleration, you know what the result would have been? We would have made it to the crazy-party-town in one piece.
Looking back on that memory, it really makes me sigh.
I tend to hold worry right in my middle. It stays there, it makes me anxious, it makes me miss the joy of the ride. Instead I’m thinking: “What if it comes back? Crap, we’re going to die one day! What if we never get preggers? I hate second-hand smoke! What if we never become fully-formed adults (i.e house, dog, RRSP savings, investments)? What if everything in life goes wrong? I have no control!”
This isn’t ‘new challenge’ worrying like when you travel or accept a new job, and everything turns out wonderfully. This is just ‘pointless and without-good-reason’ worrying.
It is a serious buzz kill.
Something really needs to be done. Life is one crazy ride, I’d like to find it exhilarating rather than exhausting. At times, I’m enjoying everything and then at other times I’m stuck in a rut of worried thoughts. I blame it on hormones . . . does tamoxifen cause anxiety?
Some people turn to meditation. I’ve only really tried it once and the instructor kept talking the whole time – telling us not to move, no matter what, as my leg shifted from uncomfortable to numb to tingling to painful. . . Don has written about mindfulness before, as has Stephine, and that sounds alright to me.
Cleaning makes me feel really good. Not scrubbing the toilet, but dusting the flat on a sunny day and getting lost in my thoughts. Is that mindfulness? I don’t know. But it feels really good. Walking feels really good. Deep breaths. Cups of tea. Yeah, that stuff is all fantastic. I guess the real trouble is that when I’m anxious, I often forget about all these things because I don’t realize I’m anxious until it’s been going on for a while, building up inside. You know?
So I’m looking for some inspiration today, because I’d rather be a thrill-enjoyer rather than a worry-wart.
How do you manage worry when it happens? What’s your cool-down trick? And why do you think something triggers us to worry while other things don’t have that impact?
Advice, ideas and personal stories are very welcome.
Thanks!
Catherine
P.S. Not worrying is also how I met my husband, because in normal non-travelling through Europe life, I'd never approach someone that good looking!
Managing worry comes in time. That little inner voice that says ‘what if….’ and ruins a good night’s sleep finally starts to fade away. I have learned to keep it tucked away for the most part by focusing on other things in life. And I go to a therapist to talk about it. Maybe a support group would help you? I don’t know. You kind of find your own way. Meditation didn’t really help me much either.
Catherine, you are Bumpyboobs! I love your blog!! Thanks for your lovely comments!
I hear you on the whole worry wart thing, I’m definitely one of them…and I think I’ve always been. My trick these days is to go for a mega crazy walk, it seems to do the job unleashing the too-many-irrational-thoughts demons. Although this doesn’t work when I’m lying awake at 3am! In that instance a bit of distraction with a book or tv works.
A crazy mega walk sounds crazy mega good.
dear catherine,
throughout the last 4 years of dual cancer with both hugh and me, i have found that getting outside of ourselves works wonders. phoning someone i haven’t been in touch with, writing a note card to say i am thinking of them, and thinking of things to do to lend a hand, like our local animal shelter that often needs blankets, dog and cat food, and treats; or taking the time
to phone 2 elderly neighbors to see if they need some company or any errands done. it all helps to give perspectivev- the truth that people all around us may have hurting hearts and the anxieties that come from those hurts, but that showing them kindness is a win/win – we make each other feel better just by connecting. connecting doesn’t have to take great time or effort. i like what mon says about a crazy mega walk, but i do it where i know there are a lot of people. every time there’s a chance to make eye contact, i flash a big smile; it’s always amazing to see the change on a person’s face if they smile back, and i think that translates to our insides as well because we get to share a little of our inner light, and it really does a body (and heart) good.
i also agree with catherine – it does get easier to deal with, those anxieties. we just have to keep plugging away to find what works for us. another truth – whatever we wish to accomplish always take practice; but it’s so worth the effort. you are a gifted writer, catherine, and i am grateful to you for bringing this issue to the forefront. here’s to feeling less anxiety and MORE EXHILARATION!!!
love, XOXO,
karen, TC
Yay for exhilaration!! It’s so fascinating to read about you walking through crowds and flashing smiles. Like Stephanie, I think you are right about ‘getting out of yourself’
The worst is worrying about worrying. It’s the most exhaustive, frustrating and silly thing, but I am the worst at it. I totally agree with Karen about ‘getting outside of ourselves’, I often turn to a friend to help me rationalize my worries and hopefully ‘turn it off’. But sometimes I just want it to turn off all by itself!! Ahhh. Thanks for sharing & for the shout-out Catherine… I want to hear more about how YOU deal with worrying so we can figure it all out together!! (ya right)
Hey Stephanie. Writing helps me a ton. Sometimes I worry those reading my blog will think I’m chronically processing ridiculous life-event . . . but in truth it’s just such a fantastic outlet. And getting outside – that helps me change my mind on a lot of stuff.
Oh the worrying! I wish I had a magic solution, but I’ve also struggled with this… I do think sharing our worries with others, especially other who have “been through it” helps.
Thanks for the thoughtful post.
Thanks for your comment Nicole. It does help to share, doesn’t it? On a different note, Zsolt and I are making a pit-stop in Switzerland while travelling from Hungary. I’m very excited to see the Alps!
Hey Catherine,
Was just worrying about you and here was your latest posting;)
Seriously for a moment – what I am learning is to embrace the worry, learn what is really happening – approach the worry with curiousity and openness. OK. I am still a total grasshopper in this realm but you know what – it is starting to work. We get so hung up on doing, on problem solving, on fixing, on what ifs and what nots that we kind of lose sight of the beauty that is being.
I just had a good lesson from my wife who pointed out that every time she gets sick my anxiety level rises to a point where I become exactly the opposite of helpful. I get impatient because I can’t fix this. I get worried because I don’t know if she just is feeling crummy or is feeling CRUMMY – if you catch my drift. I neglect to join her empathetically and sensitively and while I think I am being solicitous my impact is exactly contrary. So, finally, I find it useful to think seriously about why I am worried and how that makes me feel (physically) and what it makes me think and what I can do about it. Can’t run from it. Just like you embraced the danger of the taxi on Corfu in a spirit of excitement maybe there is a way to do the say with what ever is worrying.
Yes, you’re right. Often time the worry comes from things that aren’t even necessarily bad. . . . and then, when they are challenging – I blow it way out of proportion. Thank goodness for the other-halves who can put things into perspective! Thanks, Don.
Tracy, I LOVE that quote
The thing about worrying is that physical activity, and eating well, and all that good stuff – like you, they really help me reduce the anxiety. However, sometimes it can just be one thing too many and off I go – spoiling the ride. But having talked about it (written about it), has helped a lot. For me writing is the very best outlet for regaining perspective. Thanks for your comment, Tracy 
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