Several years ago I remember seeing a cartoon by Far Side artist Gary Larson. It portrayed a few deer in the forest. One of the deer had on its side a very well-defined target. His friend commented, "Whoa! Bummer birthmark dude."
In late October I was sitting in my car awaiting my son's release from his Montessori school. He's four. My phone rang. It was my wife's doctor. She advised me that my wife had breast cancer. Yup. That's how I found out. Moments later my little boy comes bounding up to the car to regale me with his tales of school. Meanwhile I'm reeling.
That was when the first memory of the Far Side cartoon came to me. Since then I've come to identify with that unfortunate deer. Even my own doctor advised me that for the foreseeable future I shall wear that big target on my back as my dear wife tackles her arduous trek along the cancer path.
So why write this?
Quite simply I don't know what to do and am hopeful that someone out there will be able to give me a little advice about how to best support the woman who is the single most important person in my life. I have accompanied her to every single consult and procedure and will continue to do so. I try to empathize. When confronted with "you don't have cancer you'll never understand" I agree and ask her to teach me.
I wish nothing more than I could make all of this go away. I can't. I know that. My Mom died of cancer when I was 14 so I have some familiarity with this horrid slog through disease. My sister died of cancer just a few years ago so my familiarity is pretty much up to date.
Just wondering if there's someone out there who might have an observation on how I can be a real, genuine support for my wife.
It was with real hesitation that I wrote this as it kind of sounds like whining. That is not my motivation. I don't expect relief from the anger, from the outrage, from the overwhelming fear that can take you in its gaping maw and never ever let go. I just wonder if there is anyone who has ridden shotgun on this rapaciously plundering pilgrimage who can steer me in a helpful direction.
Many thanks.