TJ and I met on December 15, 1994. Like most couples we had our tough times, but even as many times as we threatened to throw in the towel (and believe me that was more frequent than I care to recall) we always ended up back together. I think it was because we had too much in common.

Everything changed for us and our relationship on Friday, March 13, 2009. Yep, you read that right…..Friday The 13th!!!! For about a week TJ had been having headaches and we pretty much chalked it up to stress.  Both of his parents were in the hospital, his Dad for breathing problems and his Mom had just been diagnosed with lung cancer.  The headaches became so severe that he decided to see our family physician.  When it did not appear that these were allergy/sinus related our physician decided to have TJ get an MRI on his head (“to rule out the bad stuff” he said). He scheduled it for Friday at 10:00 a.m. We really did not think much of it. TJ took off work and I went to work. But, at 1:00 p.m. that Friday I received a phone call at work from TJ telling me to come home and pick him up and take him to the hospital, he has a bag packed as they will be keeping him…”they found a bunch of lesions on my brain”. I work about 30 minutes from the house but it now suddenly seemed like hours to get home to him. I, like him, knew our lives were about to change forever and we both had the feeling it was not for the better. When I got home he asked if before we left we could sit at the kitchen table and drink a beer as he might not get to do that ever again. So, there we sat, in total silence, drinking a beer, and both of us scared out of our minds.

At the hospital we found out he had a spot on his lung and 20 brain lesions (10 on each side). They kept him overnight.  It was the following morning while on my way back to the hospital that I called TJ’s Mom.  She had been released from the hospital and was going to start chemo in a few days.  She knew about the headaches, the MRI and that TJ was back at the hospital but she did not know the diagnosis yet.  How was I going to tell this woman who was facing her own diagnosis that her son had just been diagnosed with cancer also?  I didn’t know it at the time but this was to be the beginning of a string of difficulties I was about to face.  When I told her the news she broke down.  How can this be? Mother and son diagnosed with cancer within weeks of each other!  Life just didn’t seem fair.  She asked me to please take care of him and I told her I would call her later when I knew more. TJ was only in the hospital 3 days. Once released they started radiation on his brain for 3 weeks. After that they gave him a couple weeks off and then started Chemo for his lung. It was a crazy ride for us, living with him on steroids and very hyper to being wiped out from the Neulasta shot and Chemo; from eating like a horse, to me begging him to eat anything just to keep his strength up.

I thought our relationship was strong but this made it bullet proof. Nobody and nothing else matters when you are faced with cancer. Sure, we both have fantastic friends to lean on and family to talk to, but we lived this reality every day, every minute.  TJ was a fighter, a never give up kind of guy, and as you will see, his positive mental attitude had us laughing even in the midst of complete turmoil.  I promised him that Friday night that I would stay by his side and fight with him no matter how tough it got.  And so the battle began.

Have you ever seen those quizzes that tell you what kind of dog you would be? Well, TJ would have been a Labrador Retriever. I know this without him ever even taking a quiz. I used to have a Lab, his name was Phantom. I had to put him down in 2004 after enjoying him for 14 wonderful years. Even TJ, who wasn’t really a dog person when I met him, fell in love with Phantom. He was an extremely friendly and well behaved dog. As a pup, Phantom displayed the symptoms of bad hips and I immediately took him to my vet. I explained all the things I was seeing but I told the vet that he did not really show any pain. He explained to me that Labrador Retrievers are very apathetic and show very little pain as they just want to please. I really realized the truth in this as Phantom went through 2 surgeries to correct his hips and allow him to live a long and full life.

One day during TJ’s treatment he was having a bad day when I had to leave for work. I spoke with him a little after noon and he was on his way to have lunch with some friends. Hearing this thrilled me because I assumed he was feeling much better. He then told me that if he hadn’t already committed he would not be going as he was very tired and his back was sore. I told him it might do him good to get out and visit with friends, he said he would just eat and head back home to nap. It turned out to be a fairly large group of people so he stayed and visited for a couple of hours. TJ would never have let those down that came out to see him. When I got home from work that afternoon he was sleeping. When he did wake up he was only up for a couple of hours complaining about his back the whole time and then back to bed he went. I think it is a sure bet he didn’t let his friends know how uncomfortable he was.  All those friends had gathered to spend time with him and he wasn’t going to let them down. I was amazed he was able to turn everything off for a bit, if only for 2 hours, and enjoy time with his friends.

As TJ battled his cancer the strength he showed to me and his friends was an inspiration.  He took so many of the bad side effects in stride and carried on with his life the best he could.  I know many of you out there are fighting the fight and I only hope you have the strength to set your pain aside for a bit and enjoy an afternoon with friends.  I am sure many of those at that lunch remember that as the last “good” time they had with TJ.  It was good for him and good for his friends to have that one last memory of a good time with a friend they will never forget.