Memories come in many different shapes and forms. The things that can trigger a memory are numerous…a smell, a song, a book, a movie or television show and sometimes they just happen. There are childhood memories, high school memories, college memories, early adulthood memories, memories of finding that one true love and memories of your children.

I have lots of TJ memories; we spent 16 years creating memories. No, not all are good memories. It is impossible to put two stubborn, head strong, independent people together and not expect some volatility, but we did love each other very much and I have many more good memories than bad ones.

The memories that hit me the hardest are those that come out of the blue. It is usually a day that I am merrily going along in my new life and BAM! I have a déjà vu moment. The memory coursing through my entire body…I feel it everywhere. Suddenly I can no longer think about anything else, I become almost transfixed, I retreat into my own little world. The memory seems so real, so vivid, TJ is with me…I feel as though I could reach out and touch him. Then just as quickly as the memory came about it is gone. I am neither sad nor happy for a moment, I just keep trying to replay what just happened again and again in my head but it is no longer as intense and real. Then, depending on the memory I sometimes cry and I sometimes laugh and sometimes I even say out loud, “Holy hell, that was fun wasn’t it TJ?!”

I don’t have any idea what triggers these types of intense memories. When I reflect upon them I can’t find anything happening at that moment that would trigger the particular memory. I never had these types of intense memories about my Father when he passed nor do I have them about my Mother.

The intensity was somewhat frightening at first but I now welcome it. I believe these intense memories will not last forever so I have chosen to accept and even embrace them. I will always have the memories that TJ and I created together, although the intensity may diminish. I will cherish them for the rest of my life even as I move forward in creating new memories.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Since losing TJ I seem to have very little tolerance for people complaining.

• Someone complained to me the other day that they only got 6 hours of sleep the night before….when TJ was at his worst I often went to work with 1 hour or less of sleep.
• When I hear someone say that their “Significant Other” does not call them as often as they used to….I think TJ will never call me again.
• When I hear someone complain that their “Significan Other” does not do enough to help them around the house…..I literally do it all by myself every single day.
• When I hear someone complain about their job….I remember the sorrow, deep pain and tears in TJ’s eyes when he realized he would never work again.

It is all about perspective, we need to see and appreciate what we have.

Life can be beautiful! It is true that those who have had a life altering experience become more accepting and peaceful but anyone can start now to see the beauty in life.

It is utterly useless to complain about things. Negative people bring themselves down as well as those around them. Instead of complaining focus your energy on what you can do to solve the problem, this is much more productive.

Learn to let go. This is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. You can either hold on to the way things were or you can bite the bullet and accept the way your life is now. By learning to let go of even the smallest of things that happen in everyday life you will find you are living with much more happiness and ease.

I have searched for ways to start my day in a positive manner. While these are some of the things that work for me I encourage you to find your own things that will make you start your day with positive thoughts.

• I start every day with a song that puts a smile on my face.
• I think of 1 thing that I am grateful for…big or small it does not matter just one thing and on really good days I have a whole list of things.
• I no longer turn on the news first thing. We all know how depressing and negative the news is so it can’t be a positive start to your day.
• I spend about 15 minutes enjoying the company of my dogs. My animals bring me immense joy and this is my form of meditation.

 You may be thinking that you don’t have the time for this in the morning, but if waking up 20 minutes earlier gives you a more positive outlook on life and a better day and a better you….isn’t it worth it?

“It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis” —Margaret Bonnano