Often people ask me if I am OK living alone. This surprises me, as I really don't think about it much until I am asked the question. I have always been one that enjoyed my alone time. In the past I would look forward to TJ going away on a hunting trip without me. Sure, I missed him as I was used to him being around, but the time away from each other was good for the both of us. So, my answer is always, "Yes, I love it".
I enjoy doing things on my schedule. I get to do what I want to do, with whom I want to do it with and when I want to do it. I no longer have to "compromise". Compromise is what good relationships are made of and while I didn't mind it with TJ, I sure don't miss it. I tell people, "it is all about me now". I say yes to the things I want to do and no to those things I do not want to do. Other than those first few months after TJ's passing I don't feel lonely. I miss TJ, yes, but I would not say I am lonely. I have a very strong network of friends and there is always something to do should I choose.
I enjoy planning weekends to just stay home and do chores and/or projects around the house. To complete a project on my own is very rewarding and affirming that yes, I can make it without TJ. It is also on those weekends that I am able to really plan my future and set goals for myself. TJ & I pretty much had our life planned out, but now, I have to go in a different direction. I admit that I really do not have my new direction figured out completely yet, but when I am alone is when I can brainstorm different ideas.
About a year ago I started frequenting a small neighborhood coffee shop. Often I stop there on my way to work or on a Saturday morning early. In the winter it is filled with retired men waiting for their women who are next door at Curves. I tend to be very chatty with strangers (not sure if that is good or bad) and have developed a few friendships with some of the regulars in there. They know about TJ, my Mom, my dogs and just miscellaneous stuff in my life. I share my dating adventures with them and they share dating adventures with me from their younger years. This is my little place. I have yet to take any of my friends there and don't plan to in the near future. It is a separate part of my life that I enjoy immensely and I know not everyone would understand the friendships that I have developed there. So, even if I wake up on a Saturday or Sunday morning missing TJ and not wanting to be alone, I have a place to go.
Society tends to look at someone alone as pitiful. I couldn't disagree more! Alone is a choice. It is one of the many options we have about how we live our daily lives. I am sure there are many Mothers out there who would love to have the opportunity to get up on a Saturday morning and go to a coffee shop alone like I do. Alone does not equal lonely. If you are comfortable being alone then you are able to be comfortable with other people.
So yes, I really do love living alone....especially when I want to run the vacuum at 3:00 in the morning!