I hear those questions daily, actually many times a day it seems. I don't hear them in the usual small talk, passing conversation way. When I hear them there is pity in the voices. Sometimes it is with genuine concern and I appreciate that, but is the ones that ask with pity and really don't want to know that bother me. It is when they ask because they feel it is the right thing to say, but after asking either move on to something else very quickly or mentally shrink away hoping I say nothing more than "I am fine".
In order to protect my friends and family I always answer, "I am fine". It is easier for me and easier for them. It is not a lie every time I answer that way, sometimes I truly am "fine". If I am not fine I generally don't want to talk about it anyway. If I don't talk about my problems it is much safer for me. By not talking I don't reveal my vulnerabilities and it keeps people at a distance, it keeps them from getting too close to me. I do have a few select friends that I confide in and I value their friendship deeply.
I am really a very private person. This doesn't mean I am not social. I love getting together with my friends. I spend a large part of my day socializing on twitter. I enjoy my Wednesday dinner out with the girls and as much as I hate to admit it, I love hearing the gossip. I am not a gossiper myself, but I am a listener. I can listen to people talk for hours. I will join in the conversation, but my preference is listening. If one truly listens to people talk you will learn many things about that person.
I think this is what attracts me to blogging. I can put my thoughts, feelings, ideas out for everyone to see without having to discuss it. I get positive feedback through comments here or on Twitter and I am sure there have been some who come to visit and click off because they don't like what I have to say and I am good with that. If we all agreed what a boring place this world would be.
So next time you ask me how I am doing and my answer is "Fine" I may or may not be telling the truth. Often times the true answer can be found in my blog or my twitter timeline. With me, instead of listening closely you just might need to read between the lines. The answer is here.