I think I have turned a corner in adjusting to my "new normal". I think time has a lot to do with it. Frankly, I am not sure exactly what the trigger was and at this point I don't care. What I do know is that I am happy and for now that is all that matters.
In the beginning, I felt powerless to let go of the life TJ and I shared. I felt as though I needed to carry it with me forever. I let it dictate my daily life, at least on some level. By doing this I was stuck and as I have said before, I am tired of being stuck and it is time for me to let go and be free again. I know this isn't as easy as it sounds but it is a choice I have to make for myself.
I was overwhelmed with options for my future and I have weeded many of them out. I found I was reading too much into the future, yet still dwelling on the past. I will never have what I had with TJ; the good and the bad. I am capable though, of having a beautiful day today and a beautiful tomorrow. To me, this means letting go of who I have been and do something differently.
There is no such thing as "normal" and there is not a specific way I "should" be or anything I am "supposed" to do. It is up to me to determine what will make my life meaningful and joyful. I have to walk the path that is right for me. Most importantly I believe I have discovered that path. At this point it is more like an unmaintained trail but I know it will lead me to something great and wonderful.
"No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again." ~ Buddha