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feeling alone

auntofbakeme

I am married, and love my husband more then life itself, but it is hard, we are still going through the journey, what started out as endometriosis and the pain of it, has continued with cancer of the bladder, bowels, breasts and a growth on esphogus, even though he says he does not mind the scars and we have lovingly named them, now I have bone marrow cancer and sometimes the pain of it is horrible, but even through it alot of times a hug or cuddle or making love would remnd me that he loves me and make me forget I am sick…he is always worried he will hurt me or that it wil affect my energy levels and such…and it does not help when he feels a cold or flu coming on, then because of my immune system being low, he won’t kiss me…makes me feel very alone in the whole process

Posted 2010 10 12 - 09:52
Char

Auntofbakeme… I haven’t been on this site for a few days, and I just read your post, and it really touched me.  I can see that you really love your husband, and by what you are writing, he really loves you back.  When you describe him holding back because of either feeling a bit ill himself, or thinking he is going to hurt you, I can only see that as his love for you and not wanting to make things worse for you.  It probably really pains him to see when you are hurting, and he doesn’t want to add to that. 
If you need a hug or a cuddle, TELL him you need it pain or not, sometimes it is worth the physicial pain in order to get the emotional comforts.
Hang in there, you are not alone, you have a wonderful husband, and support from us through this site.

Posted 2010 10 31 - 12:58
cm99gretz

I have been the supporter to a cancer patient and now am the cancer patient myself.  Believe me it is much easier to be the patient than the spouse.  That is not meaning that you should not take the excellent advice of Char but I am only expressing how difficult it is on our family especially one who loves you as much as your husband seems to.  Keep your chin up as we are all wishing you well.

Posted 2010 11 02 - 02:35
auntofbakeme

THANK YOU both for giving me another insight, it is always good to hear what sometimes you are so wrapped up in and can’t see, it has been awhile since I posted and even came back to the sight but when I even read what I posted after reading your comments I can see it too….I am very appreciative and glad I have him and things are better can’t say they don’t get frustrating but for the moment we are both on the same page and that makes a huge difference….xoxo

Posted 2010 12 06 - 16:31
Char

auntofbakeme
I am so glad you are feeling better.  Just remember that you are going to have good days and bad days, but I am sure that the good days will far outweigh the bad ones.

Big hugs for you!!!

Posted 2010 12 07 - 20:11
faith

I am a patient with lymphoma and my boyfriend has been struggling with depression.  Before   I got diagnosed I was able to help and be patient with him.  Unfortunately at times he falls into his hole and can’t come out even when I feel I need him the most.  His pain at times can get out of control and he snaps at me or says things he doesn’t mean.  I know that it’s not me but it does get me down when this occurs.  I worry for myself because I don’t want it to affect my healing.  I do my very best to care for myself by eating well, meditating and doing yoga everyday.  But he does effect my spirits because I love him.  He’s my best friend.

Posted 2011 09 12 - 00:40
yvettetang

i will pray to buddha for you, may you be free from pain and suffering, may peace be with you.

Posted 2013 07 05 - 03:47
helena

Well, I’m not feeling so great about my body.  It hurts, airless, sores, I haven’t had sex since before chemo.  My husband cuddles me and hugs gently.  When we talked about it, he said, he misses dancing more than sex.  I hope to feel well enough to dance again soon.  He’s been a rock through all of this.  Chemo is almost done, but upcoming surgeries will put a dent in dancing.  Did anyone here have TRAM flap reconstruction ( not the muscle sparing kind) at the time of masectomy?

Posted 2013 07 07 - 08:50
Listicessa

Hi! I just read this thread and I’m a newbie. I can see that you really love your husband, you’re such a loving wife and I hope you may find peace and keep praying for everything. God is a good listener!

Posted 2017 09 25 - 22:29